B.O., Bieber, and oh yeah, NORTH KOREA: Dandong Part 1

Way back in June, my heart was crushed by the Chinese consulate in New York City. Why? They gave me a SINGLE entry visa, which meant that a trip to North Korea was out of the question. Although I was devastated, my parents seemed quite pleased, since for some unknown reason, a trip to North Korea seems like a bad idea to them. Anyway, I'm pretty sure my parents have some 关系, guanxi, and pulled strings in the Consulate to ensure that I could NOT go to North Korea. Mom and Dad, I don't know how you did it, but touché.

Fast forward 6 weeks: guess who beat the system? :) What now Chinese Consulate?

Through the right mix of luck, Chinese skills, and planning, five other kids in my program and I headed to Dandong for the weekend. Dandong is a pretty large city that sits on the Yalu River--yalu jiang--right across from NORTH KOREA. Chinese people can go into the DPRK with much more ease than Americans, so there is trade between the two sides over the river, though it's pretty one-sided.

So on Thursday night at 9PM the six of us boarded a train armed with snacks and yingzuo--hard seat--tickets for a 12 hour train-ride. Yingzuo tickets were cheap ($9 for a 12 hour train-ride? Chris Christie, if you're reading this, take note), and we figured, how bad could they be? Maybe I should have taken the hint when my teacher laughed at me after telling her that we had hard seaters. But nevermind that.

We boarded the train, and BOOM! We hit a wall of B.O., half-naked men, and more people than should be crammed in an sort of enclosed space. EVER. Each of us shoved through waves of sweaty skin and found our seats, which had 6 random Chinese people sitting in them! Apparently there are yingzuo tickets, and then there standing tickets. Some people take the standing literally--hence the pushing through waves of people--but there are also people who will do ANYTHING possible to sit down. Which means that people sit on top of the seats or bring their own stools to sit on the floor.

How many people can you fit in a train car? Answer the question and then add about 100. Voila!

Can you move a little closer? I feel so distant from everyone.

Awkward family photo?

Garbage disposal system on the train? The ground. Yummy and sanitary.

Somehow we could all tolerate the people whose butts were essentially in our faces, but one woman would not leave. She parked her stool between our benches and sat. First she just sat between our legs, giving us the quintessential "ooohhh, foreigners" glare. Then she asked to touch my hair and 魏德's hair. The woman refused to believe that 魏德's short black curls and my thick, unmanageable waves were real, so she turned to 乐然, who was sitting across from us, to gossip about our hair and how it was actually fake. OH HELL NO. You can't just sit on my feet and insult my hair. My instinct was to go Jerry Springer on her, but I ground my teeth and ignored--that is until she decided that the spot above my head was an ideal seat. Really? REALLY? Sputtering in Chinese I began to scream, but it was no use. 魏德 joined in giving her a fierce glare and shouting in a voice about 3 octaves below his normal one. 下去吧! Maybe it was his voice, maybe his potentially fake, black curls, or maybe his fierce, Zoolander-esque Blue Steel glare, but 魏德 scared her and she sat back down. Moral of the story: don't mess with a 耶鲁大学生. With hair and debating skills infinitely better than your own, they will come out on top. End of story.

Detente continued until the woman exited the train, though the rest of the train is just an uncomfortable blur in my memory. I know it was long. My feet cramped. My ankles were swollen. And I was delirious. But at 9AM on Friday, we FINALLY reached the promised land: 丹东--Dandong.

Mao Zedong himself greeted us at the train station. FYI, we're kind of a big deal.

A giant Mao Zedong statue welcomed us with open arms at the train station. If I could have, I would have kissed him (and would likely have been promptly arrested). We hailed cabs and within minutes were at our hotel which was on the waterfront, ie across from North Korea.

Let me repeat that: ACROSS FROM NORTH KOREA.

Dandong, a reasonably sized Chinese city, has tall buildings, wide streets, and a beautiful park along the river. Horns honk, people talk. It's a happy little city. Now let's look across the river: a few dark, creepy buildings and smokestacks. No sounds or lights. It looks like a deserted town with a ferris wheel. The ferris wheel, clearly an attempt to make North Korea appear like a happy place, just adds to the eeriness. It doesn't move at any time of the day and it sits across the river from a bigger Chinese ferris wheel that turns all day. Basically it's like a scene from a horror movie or a deserted fairground.

NORTH KOREA

Half blown up bridge + ferris wheel that doesn't work = Final Destination: North Korea

The bridge on the right cares traffic to North Korea. The one on the right was blown up and never rebuilt. Obviously a promising gesture towards good diplomatic relations.

We check out the river and plotted our afternoon, so that after a much-needed nap we headed to the wharf on the Yalu River. We negotiated with a boat driver and then the six of us pulled on life jackets and hopped into a small motor boat.

Ignoring one jittery passenger (I'm looking at you, 白若诗), our driver simultaneously sped up and turned up some dance mix music. Circling around the Short Bridge, which was blown up by the Americans during the Korean War, we slid up a few yards from the shore. The shore was most notable for its rusty boats, men in military uniforms, and old, broken-down buildings. Excited by our proximity to North Korea and intrigued by the surreal scene next to us, I ignored our driver's warning against taking pictures. After I snapped a few shots, he saw me and and began to reprimand me.

I gave my most innocent smile: 对不起，我以前不知道--Sorry. I didn't know. Obviously he couldn't stay mad very long. As the Chinese say, 重男轻女, or value men over women. I figure, if the belief exists, I might as well use it for my own purposes :)

North Korean kids swimming in the water. NOTE: About a hundred yards away, North Korean workers are dumping coal into the river.

As we continued to float along the shore we did our best to be goodwill ambassadors and waved to as many North Koreans as possible. Most waved, some glared, and one flashed a large gun. UMMM....Hey there Kim J! It's good to know that you're such a welcoming host.

Ready for action?

More rusty machinery.

The DPRK flag. Don't tell Kim J I took this pic. I may be captured by North Koreans. If it happened to Avery Jessup, it can happen to anyone.

After about 25 minutes, our time in the boat was up, so we flipped around and slowly sped up. As we began to speed up, my heart began to patter and a smile spread across my face. Why? What better way to leave the North Korean people behind than by blasting one of the defining songs of our generation: Justin Bieber's "Baby."

"You know you love me,
Kim J you care,
Just shout 你好,
And I'll be there.
You want my labor,
It breaks my heart,
because my country says we'll always be apart.

And I was like, Kim J, Kim J, Kim J, ooooh..."

Okay, so maybe not those lyrics. But we sang with Biebs and rapped with Luda, dancing and waving wildly to the North Koreans who stared. FOR REALS. I think I saw a few North Koreans dance with us, but 白若诗 swears they were just reaching for their guns. I prefer to think that Bieber diplomacy can work wonders, so I'm sticking to my story.

Our boat driver, a passionate Belieber.

We pulled back into the dock with Bieber-infused adrenaline pounding through our veins and hopped out. With only 2 days in Dandong, we had to head straight to our next destination, the Museum to Commemorate the War to Resist American Aggression and Aid Korea.

Haven't heard of the War to Resist American Aggression? What about the Korean War? One in the same. Just as the museum's name suggests, there's no bias to be found anywhere at the museum (note: sarcasm). So we agreed upon non-American identities (my name is Amelie and I'm from Paris, France) and headed to the museum...