Wedding Crashers Rule #71: No excuses. Play like a champion!

After celebrating the death of a chicken on Saturday, I had the chance to take part in a totally different celebration on Sunday: a wedding.

Ma Laoshi, one of the CET teachers, got married on Sunday and invited her students. Although I am not her student (in fact I had never met her before I congratulated her after the ceremony...shhhhh!), 魏德 invited me on her behalf. Apparently there was a general +1 invite put out to all the American students. Never one to turn to free food and a party, I jumped at the opportunity and began to refresh my memory of the immortal rules of Wedding Crashers.

On Friday, Ma Laoshi gave her students the address of the restaurant and said that it would be casual, but that was it. Casual? Like jeans? Or like "anything less than a floor-length ballgown"? I had no idea so I put on a dress and hoped that I wouldn't embarrass myself. Scratch that. I knew that I would bring my A-game. Rule #71: No excuses. Play like a champion.

To make matters more complicated, none of us could ask our roommates or other teachers about Chinese wedding culture because Ma Laoshi is a Huimin, a member of the Hui ethnic minority group. The Hui people are one of China's 55 ethnic minority groups, or shaoshu minzu. Most Hui are from western China and are Muslim, so their customs and ceremonies are pretty different from the average Han celebrations. Since the Han people make up 92% of the population of China, almost everyone here is Han, so not only was this MY first Hui wedding, it was also the first for all of our other teachers.

In any case, we had NO idea what to expect. So when 8 other students and I gathered in the dorm lobby at 9:45 AM, I glanced around the motley crew of Americans, pretty convinced that we were invited as the free entertainment.

One ceremony ends and the next begins. At this restaurant, you get 90 minutes for your wedding, so let's get the show on the road!

We arrived at the restaurant, or should I say wedding factory, and were ushered into an elevator as another wedding party was leaving the building. I should add that on Sunday we saw over a dozen wedding convoys. But in a country that has almost 1.4 billion people, I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that a few million people were getting married last Sunday. Anyway, as I stood in sardine formation, I suddenly heard "MiLi" come from the back corner of the mob jammed in the elevator. Only able to turn my head slightly, I glanced out of the corner of my eye and saw...Sun Laoshi, my 1 on 2 teacher. I know that at this point in my life I should be over the whole, "it's awkward seeing teachers outside of school" phase, but I'm not. I mean, how are you supposed to act? So with my jaw still gaping, I mumbled something that was supposed to be ni hao ma? and was pushed out into a large room.

That's quite a bit of food.

The room had large tables that were filled with chattering Chinese people. The 9 of us were seated at our very own special foreigner--waiguoren--table which was OBVIOUSLY right next to the table with all of our teachers, most of whom were in jeans or casual casual clothes so we all looked like the overdressed jerks. Perfect!

Beautiful bridegroom + awkward, sappy English lyrics = Match made in Chinglish heaven

When I sat down, I was first struck by the incredible wedding slieshow projected on a screen. It would have been sweet and cute if I wasn't so distracted by the lyrics to "Truly Madly Deeply" that were proclaimed across each slide. The lyrics, "I want to I wanna stand with you on a mountain, I wanna bathe with you in the sea, etc..." were misspelled and likely not understood by any of the Chinese people in attendance. Soon the emcee came out, dressed in a somewhat traditional Muslim outfit. The entrance of the emcee, who was as crucial a part of the ceremony as the bride and groom, was accompanied by music. But not just any music. The theme to Pirates of the Caribbean. Because nothing says wedding like a table full of Americans staring at the door expecting Captain Jack Sparrow to enter with his classic swagger. Unfortunately, the emcee was not a pirate :(. As the emcee began to work the crowd and our table slowly began to be swallowed up by massive plates of food, a young Chinese Imam eyed our table.

The Imam excitedly approached the table and began to talk about his religion and tolerance. He was clearly excited that we had come all the way from meiguo to participate in the ceremony and his speech was quite emotional. It sounded like the some bonus Chinese stanza off of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way". Essentially the English translation was,

"Whether Christian, Muslim, Jew,
we want to make peace with you;
You see our goals are the same,
That's why I'm glad that you came!

...Ooh there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way..."

You get the idea...

The emcee and excited (read: nervous and dripping with sweat) groom.

The Muslim ceremony comes to a close.

Shortly after the Imam left our table, the first ceremony began. Two Imams and a Hajji presided over a combination of Chinese and Arabic. Both Ma Laoshi and the groom were dressed in more conservative Muslim outfits--although Ma Laoshi's red and gold outfit was pretty stylish. After the ceremony was completed, the star of the show (the emcee) and the bride and groom all left the room for a fast costume change. Meanwhile...NOMNOMNOM. For the 9 of us at the table there were about 18 dishes. By the time the emcee and bridegroom returned--this time in western attire--we were all stuffed. And it looked like we had barely touched the food.

Just kidding. THAT'S a lot of food. NOMNOMNOM

Part 2 of the wedding was like a western wedding gone haywire, but there was an exchange of rings and I'm pretty sure something like vows were said. When it was over, we all got together for the requisite waiguoren photo op, before the restaurant staff hustled us out to let the next wedding party begin.

Part 2: All three stars come back out in Western attire.

Just Married!!!

Overall the ceremony was beautiful and it was amazing to get the opportunity to see such an incredible event. But it wasn't without it's more bizarre, memorable moments. Some of the highlights:

1) Contrary to my initial beliefs (since it was a Muslim wedding), there was alcohol. And lots of it. Each table was given large bottles of hapi, Harbin's beer, and a handle of baijiu, China's lethal contribution to the world's liquor cabinet. In fact, the bridegroom and their parents all took shots of baijiu during the ceremony. Name lihai!

2) As the Muslim part of the ceremony came to an emotional close, the bridegroom and emcee all grabbed handfuls of prunes and peanuts (I'm not sure from where) and launched them into the air. The only problem was that our table was about 1 yard from the threesome, so the small, edible objects rained down on us, hitting our heads and splashing into bowls of soup on the table. Throughout the meal, as we would take food from the various plates we would discover random peanuts and prunes covered in all sorts of sauces and mixed with all sorts of ingredients.

Peanuts and Prunes: DUCK AND COVER.

3) The Hajji, an old Chinese man, gave a speech that, for much of the time, was focused on the American guests. Although the intention was sweet, it's kind of awkward to be featured in the wedding speech/toast of a wedding where you've never met the bride OR the groom--I'm pretty sure John and Jeremy (Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn's characters) would be proud.

4) There was a small wedding favor left on each table in the middle of the Lazy Susan. It was a small red and gold bag--about the size of a jewelry bag--that had a few pieces of hard candy, a box of matches, and his-and-hers boxes of cigarettes. Because nothing says "Congratulations on the Wedding" like a box that comes with a warning label because its contents are "harmful to your health."