Aggressive American Imperialists and North Korean Fembots: Dandong Part 2

With my friends and new identity--Amelie from Paris--I set off for the Museum to Commemorate the War to Resist American Aggression and Aid Korea (try to say that name 5 times fast). The museum sits atop a large hill on the outskirts of town. The height of the hill is exaggerated by the large monument perched on its top.

The view of Dandong from the Museum.

The monument, a sort of obelisk surrounded by statues of soldiers in action, is a rather blunt reminder that this is, in fact, a war museum. Yet instead of the solemn or even proud faces seen in most American war monuments, these soldiers seemed to glare and scream. One soldier's mouth was wide open, as if screaming while he wound up to hurl a giant rock at some enemy. Another soldier, wearing a Russian-style hat, was hurtling his sword over his head, about to decapitate the soldier below him. His eyes were wide, mouth was open, and he was apparently moving with such momentum that even the flaps on his hat had flown up in the air.

WHY SO SERIOUS?

From the moment we entered the museum until when we left about 75 minutes later, we did not see another non-Chinese person. Most were in large tour groups, but the six of us were able to dart through the groups (obviously not without glares and stares) and managed to make it through most of the museum, largely aided by the English translations on all signs and labels.

"The US imperialists were forced to hold armistice talks, which laid a solid foundation for the victory of the Korean War"--totally objective


Homefront Barbie sits at home eagerly awaiting the return of Korean Ken, the communist Volunteer.

Panoramic war scene of the Korean victory...ummmm...

The English translations, based on my efforts to look at the Chinese signs, were pretty accurate...but that only made them more disconcerting. I'm not so naive that I think American war museums are free from bias, but this took bias to a whole new level. The word American or enemy never stood alone; there was always an accompanying epithet like, "imperialists," "arrogant," or "aggressive." The Americans were an army, while the Chinese were "volunteers" who still managed to "annihilate the arrogant enemy" and win the war.

I'm not an expert, but that's definitely not what I remember from history class.

The thing is, right and wrong aside, it would be tough to walk out of the museum and NOT despise Americans if that was the only story you knew. Hence our new personas. The visitors to the museum were being fed a steady diet of anti-American propaganda, which made me feel like instead of the usual "ooh, foreigners" look, we were really getting the "ooh, arrogant imperialists" look. And it's not a very nice look.

Walking out of the museum, we were all a little quiet and more solemn...that is until 裴佳诗 and石柏峰 eyed the playground of old war planes an bombers. Their eyes lit up and jaws dropped in unison. Both reached for their wallets and sprinted for the field. The various rusty and outdated pieces of equipment kept them occupied for about 45 minutes, at which point we headed back down the hill to the Pingrang gaoli fandian--the Pyongyang Gaoli Restaurant. The Pyongyang restaurant is owned by the North Korean government, or the Dear Leader Kim J himself. The restaurant was easy to spot because of the DPRK flag above its entrance.

A joint venture restaurant brought to you by two countries that don't really believe in capitalism...makes sense, right?

I knew from reading about the restaurant that it was a propaganda attempt, an effort to make North Korea seem more impressive to its Chinese neighbors. So my thought was, if you have one shot to impress a country, you had better go all out, right? I figured there would be light shows, opera singers, million dollar paintings, and 3-star Michelin food. WRONG.

The restaurant was really a small, bare room with a single picture on the wall. The sterile environment was only made worse by the North Korean robots waitresses. These waitresses were all strikingly beautiful, but their faces were totally lacking any sort of emotion. They spoke very little Chinese and even moved in a slightly unnatural, jerky movement. I was half expecting them to be like Dr. Evil's fembots and knock us unconscious with sleeping gas that would come out of their...well you know...

乐然 must feign a smile...OR ELSE!

Frightened by the robots, uncomfortable in the waiting room-esque environment, and overwhelmed by the pricy food, we ordered 2 dishes and agreed to get 包子 elsewhere afterwards. The two dishes were sliced beef and dog meat.

Hold on. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

I'm just as carnivorous as the next person (see my Tiger Attack post), but I draw the line well before dog. When the food came, the general consensus (of which I was not a part) was that the dog was okay...a little chewy, but nothing too special. BLECH.

Dog meat. EWWWW.

We quickly evacuated the room and took a deep breath, out of reach of the North Korean fembots' deadly clutches. We found a small stand for a real dinner of delicious 包子, after which we headed back to the Yalu River. At this point it was dark out...well, except for the park alongside the river. Groups of people danced, red lanterns floated through the sky, the bridge flashed red, green, blue, and orange neon lights, music blasted from speakers, and a light and waterworks show spurted out from the river about 5 yards from the walkway.

The Yalu River Bridge lit up at night.

And Hu Jintao said, "Let there be light!"

What's the occasion? Oh well, you know, it's just another night in China.

I was so distracted by the lights and sounds that it took me a few minutes to realize that there was absolutely NOTHING on the North Korean side. No lights. No sounds. If I hadn't known that there was already land there, I would have guessed that it we were looking out on open ocean.

It really brought a whole new meaning to the Dark Side.

The comparison between the two sides--already pretty striking during the day--is incredible at night, thanks mainly to the spectacle that China throws alongside the river. It's as if China throws it for the North Koreans, but doesn't invite them. More like a tempting and taunting, "Look what we have that you don't." So much for good Chinese-North Korean relations.

Exhausted, we headed back to our incredibly comfortable hotel rooms. It was time to rest and save up strength before we headed to Tiger Mountain for our last full day in Dandong...