THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

I've been in China for almost 8 weeks! That's almost 2 months! And now...

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN.

Right now we're in the middle of finals week, which as anyone who has ever been to college knows means some studying, and a lot of PROCRASTINATION (like this blog post, for example). But it's weird knowing that this is my last week in China. My mind keeps cycling through a lists of "I can't wait for..." and then reverting back to, "but at home there's no...".

Right now my "I can't wait for..." list includes things like AC, normal toilets, ice cream, cheese, steak, bagel with cream cheese, falafel, salad, carrot cake, frosting (a whole other category entirely), blueberries, hamburger, mozzarella and tomato sandwich...I wouldn't say I'm asking for too much, would you?

And sure, that list also includes a few asterisks that are more, "get me away from..." You know, things like homicidal drivers, people hocking loogies in my personal space, and the fact that wherever I go and whatever I do, people will stare at me, mouth open, trying to guess where I'm from.

But at the same time, where at home can I find really good, really cheap, really authentic Chinese food? (staff of 老四川, if you're reading this, I will pay for you to live with me and cook for me at school). Or well-made bubble tea? Or my "friends" at the fitness center? Or the assurance that even if I sound like a 2-year-old, people will tell me, "Wow, you speak such great Chinese"?

What's more, I have to adjust back to speaking English. Which might probably sounds kind of pathetic, but seriously. I've devoted the past 2 months to channeling my thoughts and ideas into Chinese, so trying to 随便 switch to English is not as easy as it sounds. This has become obvious to me as I've continued to write this blog. Speaking of which, notice the word, "right," in first full paragraph? Yeah, I originally wrote "write" (cue self back-pat).

The language pledge has meant that for two months I've gotten to know my classmates in an entirely different language. With the exception of a few Yalies I knew beforehand, I only know the Chinese personalities of most of my peers. Which is kind of weird, when you think about it... But I guess, in many ways, peoples' real personalities have shone through. One classmate (I'm looking at you 老板), has maintained his VERY English, VERY idiomatic catchphrases, simply translated word-for-word into Chinese. And the thing is, these phrases have caught on. So we all shout, "为什么不?"--why not? ; 有牛肉--do you have beef? ; 新鲜到死--fresh to death ; and 老板--boss, things that make ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE WHATSOEVER in Chinese. But we've made them our own (much to the dismay of our very confused teachers).

In addition to my list of "I can't wait for..." I've even begun to add a few English sentences that I've been dying to say. It's rough when there's actually no sarcasm in Chinese. None. There's not even a word for it! (1.3 billion people and no sarcasm... WOW). As I've found in my classes, the teachers may be baffled by our idiomatic phrases (in a laugh at, not with type of way), but they are just not receptive at all to an American sense of humor. At least spoken humor. They seem to love it whenever I hit my head on something, almost fall off my chair, or gently mock my classmate (书恒, you know I love you)...Hey, at least that gave our 1-on-2 teacher a chance to teach us new vocabulary: 欺负--to bully.

The language pledge ends on Saturday, after 3 written finals and 2 presentations. So in some ways, it still seems like it's the distant future. But between now and then, I've just got to keep telling myself, "我觉得我会。我觉得我会". Translation?

Top Chef Harbin

If you know me well enough that you're reading my blog, you probably know that I LOVE food. I love to cook and eat, explore restaurants and farmer's markets, peruse food blogs and devour cooking magazines...basically anything related to food.

So when it came time for me to pick my 1-on-1 tutorial topic for the CET program, it was an easy decision: CHINESE FOOD CULTURE

In addition to learning a lot about a topic of your choice, the real purpose of the 1-on-1 is to improve reading and writing abilities, so my classes have been in a classroom, reading, discussing, and writing (while trying to prevent myself from drooling all over my essays). This past Friday was my final 1-on-1 class and my teacher decided that I should get a full, authentic experience by making the food myself.

My 老师 and I set off for her house. After a cab ride and a short walk, we reached a large, gray, cement apartment building. We hiked up to the 6th floor and entered the apartment, which she shares with her parents and her son. Although her father was not home, I was able to meet her son and her mom.

My teacher's apartment building.

Courtyard of the apartment building. My teacher's son is in the middle trading cards with friends.

老师's mom was a small, elderly woman who, I quickly realized, would be my sous-chef. My 老师 had told me she was not a good cook, but I figured this was just the characteristic Chinese modesty. It seemed, however, that her mom shared this view, as the menial tasks like washing vegetables were left to her, while her mom and I did the real cooking.

Table where the 3 of us ate.

Disproportionately large TV. For Sunday Night Football?

The menu for the day was a combination of her suggestions and my own, all 炒菜: stir-fried dishes. The dishes were 西红柿炒鸡蛋 (tomatoes and scrambled eggs), 辣椒炒牛肉(stir-fried peppers and beef), 鱼香茄子(spicy eggplant), and 干煸豆角(spicy dried green beans). Once the ingredients were out on the counter, we quickly got down to business. 老师's mom would give me instructions and I would work. At first she was apprehensive, especially when she handed me their chopping cleaver. I've worked in a professional kitchen before, so I'm used to using big, sharp knives. But when this little old lady pulled out a cleaver, I was a little concerned too.

Wok--check. Rice cooker--check. Welcome to China!

The first thing you notice when you WOK in the kitchen.

I began to chop and she breathed a sigh of relief before turning to 老师 and saying, "she chops much better than you do." Not awkward at all...

After chopping, I moved over the giant wok. Beside the wok were a large ladle (ok, no worries) and a pair of LONG chopsticks. WHAT? Chopsticks are apparently a cooking tool, but only if they are about 18 inches long. I've mastered using chopsticks to eat, but that's for small foods with small chopsticks. This was picking up entire eggplants with foot-and-a-half long knitting needles chopsticks. In other words, long enough that I had absolutely no control over what they were doing. I waved the sticks around like antennae, until 老师's mom yanked them away, handing me a pair of tongs. Chopsticks-1, Emily-0.

Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this wok thing...

Looks like my teacher's mom disagrees...

We kept on going at a fast pace until all four dishes were done and laid out on the table. And not going to lie, the dishes looked pretty (cue self back-pat). With the four dishes, a pot of tea, three small bowls of rice, and homemade zhou, the table was all set.

NOMS 1: Eggs and tomatoes. Peppers and beef.

NOMS 2: Spicy dried green beans.

NOMS 3:Okay, so maybe the name translates to fish-smelling eggplant, but I SWEAR it doesn't taste like fish or have fish in it. REALLY.

The three of us sat silently, hunched over our bowls of mifan--white rice. "吃多菜。吃多菜。" The silence was punctuated by 老师's mom demanding encouraging me to eat more. In Chinese culture, when a person has guests over for a meal, they are supposed to encourage their guests to eat more, and more, and more, far past the point of comfort. The guest, once full and done with the food on his/her plate, can politely refuse by saying, 我吃饱了--I'm full. The host will usually insist three or four more times before accepting the polite refusal. Even though I was the cook at this meal, I was still a guest in 老师's house, so it was only appropriate that her mom would make sure that I ate. A LOT.

The meal ended with fresh watermelon. I got up to leave and profusely thanked both 老师 and her mom. 老师's mom's response?

"Eat more. Are you sure you're full?"

I awkwardly smiled and insisted that I was full, before heading out back through the courtyard with the recipes that my teacher had given me.

As I work this weekend on my final paper for my 1-on-1 class, I can't help but thinking, can't I just cook? Anyone can write about Chinese food, but to make it, you've got to understand it.

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to finish my research by eating at a few local restaurants. It's a tough life :)

It's the Economy, stupid!

Before coming to China, I had obviously heard of the Cult of Mao. I've seen the giant statutes in his honor (see Dandong post), seen the lines that form in front of his Maosoleum mausoleum, and learned that the places he went and foods he ate are revered by Chinese people.

I had not, however, anticipated the Cult of Deng. If you're not very familiar with Chinese history, in 1978 Deng Xiaoping took over as chairman of the Chinese Communist Party and began his a process of economic development,改革开放, which opened up the Chinese economy to the rest of the world.

Admit it. He's kind of adorable.

China credits Deng and his policies with the past 33 years of insane economic growth. In other words, the people of China LOVE Deng. On a regular basis my teachers use Deng's policies as examples for grammar structures. One teacher was especially proud of introducing the word for "debt" and giving a example that translates to "China is the United States' debt master"

I haven't heard many people talk about Mao or thank Mao, but Deng...that's another story entirely.

Example 1: After returning from Dandong, two of my teachers asked me on two separate occasions what the people of North Korea looked like. Knowing that this was somewhat of a trick question, I replied, "They looked kind of unhappy. And their buildings were all crumbling and old."

Both teachers replied that this is what China was like before Deng. And then both teachers, on separate occasions, looked up (towards heaven? Deng? a fly on the ceiling?) when they mentioned Deng and his economic policies. It was as though Deng was god, watching over China and moving them out of North Korean conditions.

I'm not saying that North Korean economic conditions are desirable, but it's not like I'm looking at the sky to thank John Boehner for raising the debt ceiling.

Example 2: A few weeks ago I had a discussion with my Chinese roommate about issues in China. I asked her what she thought about things like the one-child policy and the firewall, since people in the west sometimes say that they are both human rights violations. My roommate assured me that the people of China are happy because they're materially satisfied.

But what about freedom of expression? She shook her head. "Why? If we have jobs and economic development, that's important."

It totally boggled my mind. In the US, we talk about how people in China are unhappy with the Chinese government and issues of human rights and freedom of expression in China. It's not that my roommate isn't aware of these things, it's that as long as she has new clothes and a cell phone (her examples, NOT mine), she doesn't care.

Forget about Patrick Henry! Here, it's "Screw liberty! Just give me a the new iPhone!" The key is that it's just a totally different mindset, one that regardless of how hard I try, I just can't totally understand.

MUST HAVE NEW IPHONE!

Example 3: In my conversational Chinese class this week, we covered a chapter on transportation. My teacher asked about the challenges that accompany building roads or a new railway. One classmate mentioned that you displace a lot of people, which is kind of, sort of, a BIG PROBLEM.

My teacher tilted her head and smiled in a way that suggested, 'what naive waiguoren'. "But it's the government's investment. So it's not really our business to question or make judgments if they want to fund a new rail system."

Eminent Domain? As if!

If the government wants to build the tallest building in the world or a new highway, as long as it's government money, who cares? I'm not sure really sure if this view only holds up until THAT house becomes MY house...am I still supposed to be pleased with economic development when it means watching my house be plowed over by bulldozers?

当然！

Example 4 (my personal favorite): This past weekend, three classmates and I went to Harbin's Jewish museum. Yes, I said Jewish. In China. Not only in China, in Harbin. WHAT?

So apparently about 20,000 Jews from Russia and Eastern Europe fled to Harbin during and shortly after the Bolshevik Revolution. They had a good thing going for themselves until some left when the Japanese invaded and established Manchuko (which the museum did cite as a reason) or until the vast majority fled with the establishment of the People's Republic of China in 1949 (which the the museum failed to mention as a possible impetus for flight).

Okay, so I don't know why this was in the Harbin museum, but...

The museum is in the "New Synagogue," a three story building in the center of Harbin that was built in 1921. The first floor houses a few random paintings that are supposedly of Harbin. But once you mount the stairs you get to the Jew part of the museum. Once you pass through the story of how and why the Jews came to Harbin you entire an entire floor that is devoted to the "numerous economic miracles" that the Jews brought to Harbin.

Wait, what?

"Harbin Jews brought about numerous economic miracles by bringing into full play their intellectual and business talent...the development of the modern city of Harbin offered the Jews an opportunity for creating new enterprises and providing a solid foundation for their later economic activities in Europe and America"

Nothing much, you know, just making some ECONOMIC MIRACLES!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

OK, let me clarify. I don't find it funny because I doubt any of what the sign says or that the Jews did help Harbin advance economically. I just have yet to see the Chinese show this kind of admiration and reverence for anyone who is not Chinese.

Why so much love?

It's the economy, stupid!

So maybe Clinton wasn't referencing the Jews in Harbin when he said this, but the fact of the matter is that when it comes to priorities in China, Clinton was spot on. Jews made "economic miracles," so they get a shrine museum. Makes sense. At least I won't argue with it.

Honestly, as long as China's economy keeps chugging along, skyscrapers keep magically appearing overnight, and high-speed railways link cities hundreds of miles away, it seems like Chinese people will be happy. I mean, why not?***


***UUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMM.........算了...

Sweat, Gossip, and Ping Pong: a Peak Inside a Chinese Fitness Club

After almost six weeks in Harbin, I'm really starting to look forward to certain aspects of my American homecoming. I wouldn't say it's homesickness...more like "western food, normal toilet, air-conditioning" sickness.

But I've found that one of the best ways to combat these feelings is by frequenting my Harbin home...Not my dorm or the international student building, but good ol' Meili Fangzhou--Fitness Ark. When I bought a 2-month membership card for the gym, little did I know that I was also buying my golden ticket (actually my card is red--what else would it be?) into a place that could be a sauna, a living room, a cafe...basically a peak into real life in Harbin.

But let's take a step back.

About half a mile from our dorm you'll find a sketchy alleyway. It's pretty big--for an alleyway-- but it's constantly undergoing construction, which means that it usually has the pleasant smell that accompanies open manhole covers in China. If you look past the piles of sand, bricks, and wooden planks, you can see a door. No, not that door. That door leads into a supermarket. The other one...Perfect.

Can you find the door? Look harder...

Oh, no need to roll out the red carpet for me...

Hopefully you've found the right door, which will lead to the elevator. But before you push the elevator button, make sure to check the door for a sign. The elevator is pretty spotty and every once in a while it's broken, which means a hike up to the 5th floor. I would say "Awesome! What a great warm-up for my run," but I'm pretty sure you could contract tetanus, asbestos, or something far worse in those stairs. So, cross your fingers and hope the elevator is working.

Success! It is! Step in and ride on up to the 5th floor. Once you get there, turn left into a large room filled with treadmills. Before you approach, however, make sure to give your card to one of the women who are permanently seated at the desk. They'll swipe it and hand it back, before quickly returning to their engrossing conversations with gym regulars.

Usually occupied by old, gossiping women.

Now, walk over to the treadmill. There are about 20 treadmills and a handful of ellipticals. If there is a person using the machine, odds are they're walking about 5 km/hr, or 3mph. If that doesn't mean anything to you, it's a pretty comfortable, even leisurely, pace. But notice that all of the people are sweating. And not just a little bit. BUCKETS. Everyone is drenched in sweat, wiping their faces with towels while sweat literally drips off of them.

Did they just finish an intense workout?

Nope. It's just that hot in here. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: when you get off the elevator, expect to hit a wall of heat. Humid, heavy heat that makes it hard to do anything BUT sweat.

Knowing that the sweat will flow, you climb onto a treadmill and begin to run. And as you run, heads start to turn and fingers start to point. Old ladies sitting on the couches in the corner begin to whisper and glare at you. A group of loud teenagers hanging around a table will start to chuckle and imitate your arm motions. Why? Well, it is partly because you don't look like them, but it's also because you are running. And people just don't run on treadmills here. They walk, trudge, shuffle, and sometimes run for 1-2 minute intervals. But running for an extended period? Now, why would anyone want to use a treadmill for that?

Lonely treadmills looking for runners.

NOTE: the lighting in the weight room is REALLY that bad.

At this point, however, you're pretty used to the stares and the gossiping women. So you tune them out and focus your attention on the large TV screens in front of you. Usually one will provide you with some great, unbiased news per CCTV--China Central TV, or as I like to call it Crazy Communist TV. If you're lucky, the other TV might be showing a Chinese TV show. My two favorites so far are the soap opera-esque show about the Chinese army in the mid-20th century and the slapstick sitcom whose main character appears to be a large bottle of baijiu.

Eyes glued to the screen. MUST WATCH CCTV.

During a commercial break on TV, you might as well take a peek at the epic battle on your right. We're talking Deathly Hallows, Return of the King, Avatar epic. People will unsheathe their weapons and soon there will be casualties. Once in a while, a stray shot might even cause a civilian casualty.

But this isn't just any epic battle. This is an epic ping pong battle. Large (usually shirtless) men bring their personal paddles and covers (who knew that you could buy ping pong paddle covers?). Then all hell breaks loose. Grunts, groans, screams, moans. Blood, sweat, and tears. You never know what will happen when two people draw paddles and play begins.

One of the great battle sites in Chinese history: Meili Fangzhou's ping pong table.

All of a sudden, a women climbs onto the treadmill on your left. Fine...but, wait. Is she wearing flip flops? And JEANS? Oh yeah. Fitness center fashion in China is in its own category entirely. In the US, most gym regulars would either wear their high tech, moisture wicking, synthetic Nike tops OR an old, free T-shirt that was white at some point in time, but now is more of an off-yellow. In China, anything goes! People come straight from work and, why bother changing? So you'll see flip flops, loafers, slacks, dresses, jeans, etc...

Dance Studio: Never any dancers. Sometimes men sleeping on the floor. TOTALLY NORMAL.

By the time you process all of these distractions, you realized that you're done with your run. You cool down and stretch (people are still glaring), and then head back towards the elevator. As you ride the elevator back down, you let out a sigh...the place is really starting to grow on you. Or maybe you're not sighing, but wheezing as your body tries to react to the buckets of sweat it just poured out. Either way, don't worry! You can come back tomorrow and see all of the familiar, gossiping friendly faces...

Old Harbin: Noms and...PUPPIES

This past Saturday, CET scheduled a trip to Old Harbin. When I heard the name and was given a map with highlighted "preserved streets," I assumed we were headed to Harbin's very own Williamsburg--we would see old buildings in mint condition and perhaps (my fingers were crossed), a few Harbiners clothed in fashions from the early 20th century.

Expecting to find the Chinese Williamsburg, I was slightly disappointed when the bus dropped us off at a busy intersection, with the driver screaming at us to get off as people honked from behind...maybe not historical China, but certainly AUTHENTIC China.

Well that doesn't look out of place in Harbin at all...

LOOK! It's sky blue disco mosque!

Anyway, we hopped out across from a large, blue mosque. And when I say blue, I mean sky blue, baby blue, aqua blue...a pretty color, sure. But the color of a mosque next to an intersection in Harbin? Maybe not...

Passing by the mosque, we continued to walk along streets lined with old buildings. Despite the demarcation of "PRESERVED" on the map CET gave us, the buildings were run-down and decrepit. Some of them clearly had been beautiful and impressive at some point in time, but now they were sad and even kind of pathetic. The buildings continued in the same style until we peeled off into a smaller alley filled with food carts.

"Preserved" buildings.

???????

"Preserved" buildings part 2.

Housing bubble much?

There were vegetable carts, fruits carts, seafood stands, butchers, bakers, etc...I love going to food markets at home and seeing fresh produce and goods with the people who make them. But China makes the experience even more real: crawfish crawling out of their containers, butchers slitting chickens' throats, ducks roasting over fiery flames. Obviously we were the only foreigners in the alley and most of the salesmen got a kick out of guessing where we were from: Russia? Canada? Sweden--Do Chinese people even know what the stereotypical Swede looks like? Because I'm pretty sure it's NOT me.






Exiting the alley, we continued down the road and headed out to the riverside. Moseying down by the river we walked through the "bird and fish market." By bird and fish, it really meant grimy little newts and tadpoles. Tupperware containers filled with water and small fish lined the street. The fish salesmen sat on sofas behind the containers and in front of enormous glass fish tanks. Given that the fish were so tiny, I can't imagine who would buy tank that could fit 3-4 people in it. Umm... WEIRD.

The large statue with a wheelbarrow near the river. Bizarre? I'd say it's just Harbin.

Oh, I'm sorry. Are you trying to cross the street? Too bad! There is no street!

After we passed through the fish, we came to a puppy section. Let me repeat that: PUPPIES. As in tons of puppies of every kind playing, barking, nibbling, napping, etc...As in my heart melted and I turned into a sappy mess. I'll admit, I sniffled a bit when a saw a few that reminded me of Kim J (Oh, my Kim J)...but the small huskie nibbling on my finger made it hard to stay sad for too long.

AWWWWW...

CUTE...

PUPPIES PLAYING...

PUPPIES SLEEPING...

I WANT IT NOW!

TOO CUTE FOR WORDS...

We took forever in the puppy section and only left because we realized we had to rejoin the group for dinner. Still babbling about the puppies, we headed for dinner.

Sunset over the Songhua.

Wedding Crashers Rule #71: No excuses. Play like a champion!

After celebrating the death of a chicken on Saturday, I had the chance to take part in a totally different celebration on Sunday: a wedding.

Ma Laoshi, one of the CET teachers, got married on Sunday and invited her students. Although I am not her student (in fact I had never met her before I congratulated her after the ceremony...shhhhh!), 魏德 invited me on her behalf. Apparently there was a general +1 invite put out to all the American students. Never one to turn to free food and a party, I jumped at the opportunity and began to refresh my memory of the immortal rules of Wedding Crashers.

On Friday, Ma Laoshi gave her students the address of the restaurant and said that it would be casual, but that was it. Casual? Like jeans? Or like "anything less than a floor-length ballgown"? I had no idea so I put on a dress and hoped that I wouldn't embarrass myself. Scratch that. I knew that I would bring my A-game. Rule #71: No excuses. Play like a champion.

To make matters more complicated, none of us could ask our roommates or other teachers about Chinese wedding culture because Ma Laoshi is a Huimin, a member of the Hui ethnic minority group. The Hui people are one of China's 55 ethnic minority groups, or shaoshu minzu. Most Hui are from western China and are Muslim, so their customs and ceremonies are pretty different from the average Han celebrations. Since the Han people make up 92% of the population of China, almost everyone here is Han, so not only was this MY first Hui wedding, it was also the first for all of our other teachers.

In any case, we had NO idea what to expect. So when 8 other students and I gathered in the dorm lobby at 9:45 AM, I glanced around the motley crew of Americans, pretty convinced that we were invited as the free entertainment.

One ceremony ends and the next begins. At this restaurant, you get 90 minutes for your wedding, so let's get the show on the road!

We arrived at the restaurant, or should I say wedding factory, and were ushered into an elevator as another wedding party was leaving the building. I should add that on Sunday we saw over a dozen wedding convoys. But in a country that has almost 1.4 billion people, I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that a few million people were getting married last Sunday. Anyway, as I stood in sardine formation, I suddenly heard "MiLi" come from the back corner of the mob jammed in the elevator. Only able to turn my head slightly, I glanced out of the corner of my eye and saw...Sun Laoshi, my 1 on 2 teacher. I know that at this point in my life I should be over the whole, "it's awkward seeing teachers outside of school" phase, but I'm not. I mean, how are you supposed to act? So with my jaw still gaping, I mumbled something that was supposed to be ni hao ma? and was pushed out into a large room.

That's quite a bit of food.

The room had large tables that were filled with chattering Chinese people. The 9 of us were seated at our very own special foreigner--waiguoren--table which was OBVIOUSLY right next to the table with all of our teachers, most of whom were in jeans or casual casual clothes so we all looked like the overdressed jerks. Perfect!

Beautiful bridegroom + awkward, sappy English lyrics = Match made in Chinglish heaven

When I sat down, I was first struck by the incredible wedding slieshow projected on a screen. It would have been sweet and cute if I wasn't so distracted by the lyrics to "Truly Madly Deeply" that were proclaimed across each slide. The lyrics, "I want to I wanna stand with you on a mountain, I wanna bathe with you in the sea, etc..." were misspelled and likely not understood by any of the Chinese people in attendance. Soon the emcee came out, dressed in a somewhat traditional Muslim outfit. The entrance of the emcee, who was as crucial a part of the ceremony as the bride and groom, was accompanied by music. But not just any music. The theme to Pirates of the Caribbean. Because nothing says wedding like a table full of Americans staring at the door expecting Captain Jack Sparrow to enter with his classic swagger. Unfortunately, the emcee was not a pirate :(. As the emcee began to work the crowd and our table slowly began to be swallowed up by massive plates of food, a young Chinese Imam eyed our table.

The Imam excitedly approached the table and began to talk about his religion and tolerance. He was clearly excited that we had come all the way from meiguo to participate in the ceremony and his speech was quite emotional. It sounded like the some bonus Chinese stanza off of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way". Essentially the English translation was,

"Whether Christian, Muslim, Jew,
we want to make peace with you;
You see our goals are the same,
That's why I'm glad that you came!

...Ooh there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way..."

You get the idea...

The emcee and excited (read: nervous and dripping with sweat) groom.

The Muslim ceremony comes to a close.

Shortly after the Imam left our table, the first ceremony began. Two Imams and a Hajji presided over a combination of Chinese and Arabic. Both Ma Laoshi and the groom were dressed in more conservative Muslim outfits--although Ma Laoshi's red and gold outfit was pretty stylish. After the ceremony was completed, the star of the show (the emcee) and the bride and groom all left the room for a fast costume change. Meanwhile...NOMNOMNOM. For the 9 of us at the table there were about 18 dishes. By the time the emcee and bridegroom returned--this time in western attire--we were all stuffed. And it looked like we had barely touched the food.

Just kidding. THAT'S a lot of food. NOMNOMNOM

Part 2 of the wedding was like a western wedding gone haywire, but there was an exchange of rings and I'm pretty sure something like vows were said. When it was over, we all got together for the requisite waiguoren photo op, before the restaurant staff hustled us out to let the next wedding party begin.

Part 2: All three stars come back out in Western attire.

Just Married!!!

Overall the ceremony was beautiful and it was amazing to get the opportunity to see such an incredible event. But it wasn't without it's more bizarre, memorable moments. Some of the highlights:

1) Contrary to my initial beliefs (since it was a Muslim wedding), there was alcohol. And lots of it. Each table was given large bottles of hapi, Harbin's beer, and a handle of baijiu, China's lethal contribution to the world's liquor cabinet. In fact, the bridegroom and their parents all took shots of baijiu during the ceremony. Name lihai!

2) As the Muslim part of the ceremony came to an emotional close, the bridegroom and emcee all grabbed handfuls of prunes and peanuts (I'm not sure from where) and launched them into the air. The only problem was that our table was about 1 yard from the threesome, so the small, edible objects rained down on us, hitting our heads and splashing into bowls of soup on the table. Throughout the meal, as we would take food from the various plates we would discover random peanuts and prunes covered in all sorts of sauces and mixed with all sorts of ingredients.

Peanuts and Prunes: DUCK AND COVER.

3) The Hajji, an old Chinese man, gave a speech that, for much of the time, was focused on the American guests. Although the intention was sweet, it's kind of awkward to be featured in the wedding speech/toast of a wedding where you've never met the bride OR the groom--I'm pretty sure John and Jeremy (Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn's characters) would be proud.

4) There was a small wedding favor left on each table in the middle of the Lazy Susan. It was a small red and gold bag--about the size of a jewelry bag--that had a few pieces of hard candy, a box of matches, and his-and-hers boxes of cigarettes. Because nothing says "Congratulations on the Wedding" like a box that comes with a warning label because its contents are "harmful to your health."